Time sure flies when you are stressed

WOW! that is the only way to begin this posting. It has been a long time since I have written and there is a lot I could share but in keeping with my original intent I want to keep glorifying God in all my postings. I feel like I was walking a fine line in the last couple. I don't know why I don't do this everyday (oh yeah a little one that takes up my time) but I so enjoy just laying thoughts on paper. Maybe it is time to try poetry or song lyrics again. Oh the ability to lay your heart open there. I was dreaming about singing last night. Here is the thing when I have an opportunity to sing I feel so alive like I am doing what God intended. I miss the ability to not have inhibitions to sing like I did when I was a kid. (or atleast 10 years ago) Lot of days didn't go past I wasn't belting a tune either in the shower or in church. I used to be a real regular on the stage at church events. But I have learned with time that God can use me better to blend than stand out. Not that I butcher something when I solo just that I enjoy the blending of voices in praise and hymn more than a single attempt of my own. but I digress from my original thoughts don't I.

Life seems to be getting into a routine again. I am up here by myself away from Family. A thought came to me the other day. Most people seek friends I in my quirky way tend to seek family. I have lots of friends that I can go to and do seek for guidance and a shoulder but the one thing that I truly have always desired is to have my family as friends. I know that most of my side is in that category, but I still long for that on Mark's side. I feel like I am still on that wrong side of the imaginary door knocking and asking to be let in but there is always that rubber band that pulls me back through the door opening when I manage to get the door open and walk through. Nothing is being done intentionally to keep me out it is just their personalities. I love them and am thankful for them. I am about to spend 2 weeks with both sides to which I am really excited to go down for but there is always that feeling of unfulfillment when I leave. I know that the world is not perfect or the people in it but we are all confirmed Christians and it is sad when that is not practiced toward our own family but I must interject I am as bad as others at times and have to seek forgiveness for those times myself when attitude rears its ugly head on my side.

The tears streak upon the post
falling down in precision.
"Hurry, Hurry, let me in!?"
comes the cry from deep within.

"I am here! Wait my child."
He stands on the road waiting.
Arms outstretched and wide
He holds comfort and love within them.

"I seek those who should allow me in."
I sob when I see His offer.
"But my child the only one to seek
is standing before you."

"Guide me past the hills and valleys
of my hurts and take me in.
Hold me close to keep me
from wandering back to them."

"My child I am here
through thick and thin.
My love is never ending.
Take my free gift."

"My heart sings with joy
and admission of my need of Him."
Praise God I have chosen the one who will
hold me through the storm, calm and everlasting.

---Kim Bilyeu