Oh for the joy of it all....

It has been a while but once again I have all these thoughts rattling around in my head and I just want to be careful what I actually put on paper because if God doesn't get the glory then I am not seeking Him in all that I do. Well today I want to talk about real emotions as it is what has been on my mind lately. It amazes me how people get so upset when someone doesn't do something they think they should or react to something how they would react but then again I am the worlds worst at this very thing. Everyone should see every event in life through a thin veil of tears and a stoic face....yeah right. Thankfully God sees this whole topic differently and made each person in His image but granted us all a wonderful personality that is all uniquely ours.

For instance I am not a toucher/hugger/kisser kinda of person. There is reason why this is so and we will leave it at that. However I have learned to curb my reactions to this for instance just yesterday I was in a restaurant, La Fiesta, and curbed the urge to gut punch the waiter who rubbed my shoulder for an inappropriate amount of time-He is one lucky goober! Usually I would have flipped but instead I kept doing my sudoku puzzle and ignored him and hopefully he took the hint not wanted! Now my sister on the other hand is a kisser-YUCK! She knows this drives me crazy and in true fashion proceeds to kiss me more! But I am getting better at dealing with it and will hopefully eventually not want to go scrub my face afterwards soon! It has nothing to do with her but my personality makes me uncomfortable with that! Even from little kids I don't know why just so! Or how about the over the top personality of my friend-yeah like I am going to actually name a name- you know who you are after I describe....This person is almost comical in every action they give/do! They know that this is what they are doing and they have the personality to just be! Which is probably why I admire them so. I am always afraid I will offend or it not be proper.

My personality, my personality oh my what a personality....just might be feeling that way because there are multiples...just kidding for those saying "I TOLD YOU THAT WAS THE CASE!" No I waver which is one of my worst traits and something I have been working on. I can be bubbly one time and depressed the next and so on and so on. It is a bad situation but the more I am getting to actually know me and who I am and what I stand for the more I am evening out. For instance one of the things I have conquered in my brain is this: For years as a child I was the town crier and not in news but in tears. Say boo or hello and both produced tears. I was extremely sensitive as a kid and still am for that matter. But AFTER YEARS of people telling me to quit crying I have realized that those people don't know what they are talking about and that it is okay to cry - God created those tears and HE CREATED the urge to cry. He wants emotion or He wouldn't have created it. I have come to the conclusion after years after pondering it when people get upset that you are emotional it is because they can't handle emotion and that is why they don't want to see it out of you. Well sorry people it is coming whether I want it to or not so get ready!

But what do tears have to do with joy...well for one being able to express myself allows me great human joy but being able to be completely open and honest with God gives me great spiritual joy. Which is the joy I am actually trying to get to talking about today. For the past few months almost a little over a year I have been searching for where God would have me be but at the same time dreading where He was taking me because I am far enough in my spiritual journey to know there is always new levels of me He wants to bring out which sometimes requires some discipline to get there. One other thing about me is I HATE DISCIPLINE! But at the same time the quandry of the situation is so ironic because I realize that I ALWAYS like the other side of where God wants to put me so why do I fight it so much! My personality and God knows this about me and still wants to work on me! WOW isn't that cool He gets me and still wants to be around me. He is one of the few! Oh I mean how many people even your really good friends who can say they will stick through EVERYTHING if they knew EVERYTHING about you...just stop and think on that before anyone gets offended! PLEASE! May God be praised for loving me in spite of my goofy and sinful nature!

Well I have alluded to the journey God has been taking me on for several blogs now and looking back over the past year plus I see a lot of growth and discipline and love and now am seeing the true unabashed joy of being His child. Now I believe we are working on reaching out now that He has me to a new level and that is soooooooooooooo not my comfort zone at least not when you get knee deep into someone's needs. I have no problem being there for the surface needs...I am a fix it girl after all - yes we are working on that also! but it is time where God wants me to get out of my selfish shell and start working at relationships from a deeper level...and that means all the stuff that goes with it including loving inspite of difficulties, digging deeper into supporting, looking for ways to open people up to God, and scariest of all opening myself up to hurt because to love is to take a chance. But that is where I think the deep abiding joy that God grants us from Him comes into the picture. He gifts us with joy that surpasses all other hurts-oh we still will hurt but we will see the bigger picture of what we are really here for-God's glory!

Well that was a really heavy thought process and I probably don't have it all right but then that is why God is still working on me.

Next topic will probably be anger but I am too tired to open that can of worms today! But that is also something God has been showing me is it is okay to be angry....what another emotion!

Well till later dudes! (Man that dates me!)